brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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