Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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