I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
