ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
PANTIES FOUND
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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