Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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