So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When are your genitals available?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
