I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
a search helicopter?!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
