everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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