I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
