Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
