end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
