Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
