covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
