I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
