I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
