Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
