After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
