She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
