My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I intend to get homeless drunk
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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