Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
