This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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