So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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