I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
