She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
