The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
