dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
