btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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