Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
