I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
