my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
