if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
