What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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