Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
