All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
