I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
