he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
