How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
