don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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