Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
