Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
