I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
