I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
