Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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