Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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