Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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