I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
