my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's never too late to be topless.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
