Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
