I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
