I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
