Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
