the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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