PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
